The storm continues…

Trigger warning - this blog mentions suicide and murder.

Have you ever had an experience where you feel like you aren’t in your body? It feels like you are watching yourself from a distance, like everything that is happening just feels too hard to be with. The physical body keeps playing things out but your spirit, your soul has decided it’s too much, so it gives you some space, takes you somewhere safe.

This was me.

I had so much to do after everything came to light regarding addiction and life just kept kicking us while we were down. It felt like that terrible day of addiction rearing its head and how unwell hubby was, opened the door for our world to keep being shattered by events that would forever change us in ways that we are still recovering from ten years later.

Two days after my husband attempted to take his life, my beautiful best friend was murdered. I won’t speak into this too much as my heart still aches, but it almost tipped me over the edge in so many ways. I had lost one of my most favorite people in the whole world in the most unimaginable way and I really didn’t have the capacity to cope with this, it was all just too much to bear, so I left my body.

I remember sitting in my lounge room being told by homicide she had passed and I felt like I was floating, watching from above and strangely enough, I felt like it took quite a while for my soul to feel safe enough to come back down. I was to struggle along on autopilot and had no time to rest as addiction does not wait for anyone, especially gambling addiction and especially when you have children to care for too….

As anyone knows who has a loved one experiencing addiction, it is consuming and overwhelming, heartbreaking and devastating, it demands our attention and we slowly start to lose ourselves too.